056:Following a Donkey on the Camino—and the Power of a Simple Conversation
You never know where one small conversation might lead
Why I Keep Returning to the Camino
When asked why I keep returning to the Camino, the short answer is: the people.
The longer answer: I keep returning for the conversations with fascinating people from all over the world.*
I think everyone is fascinating—that everyone has a story to tell. And on the Camino de Santiago? We’ve got plenty of time to share our stories. It’s one of the few places I can find myself in conversation with someone for multiple hours—completely uninterrupted.
Some conversations are just a few minutes. I recall sitting beside a young woman at a roadside snack stand on the Camino Francés when a donkey wandered by.
“That poor donkey—being forced to walk all this way,” she said. I watched the donkey saunter past. He didn’t seem tired. No one was pulling him along. In fact, it wasn’t clear who actually owned him.
Knowing nothing about donkeys, I asked the woman, “Are they not good at walking long distances?”
“I just can’t imagine it’s good for him,” she said.
In other words, she knew nothing about donkeys either.
I learned some time ago to not judge without knowledge—that there is often another side, if not twelve, to every story. I have since amended this: I realize most of the time judgement doesn’t help anyone. So now my motto is, “Be curious, not judgmental.”
And I, dear readers, am quite curious.
Meeting Serge and Pipa
I decided I wanted to know more about this donkey. The young woman told me that his owner, whom she pointed out a few hundred feet ahead, didn’t like people taking pictures of the animal.
I thought this odd, but remembered: Be curious, not judgmental.
I wanted to know the owner’s side of the story. And I am excellent at inserting myself into other people’s lives to get their story. So that’s what I did.
A few minutes later, I was walking side by side with Serge, who had left his home in Belgium with his donkey Pipa a couple months earlier. They had crossed France and then headed over the Pyrenees into Spain.
Pause for a second.
Did you get that?
He started his Camino at his front door in Belgium.
He and Pipa had traversed the entirety of France!
Seriously? Do you need any more reason to walk the Camino? Look at these amazing people who are out there doing it!
So I told Serge about the young woman’s comment about this poor donkey being forced to walk the Camino.
He laughed.
“Clearly she’s never had a donkey,” he said.
Serge had owned Pipa for 12 years. “Donkeys don’t move unless they want to. There’s no way to force them to do anything. You have to build a relationship with them and only then will they do what you want—and only if they want to.”
So no, Pipa was not a “poor donkey” being “forced” to walk from Belgium to Spain. She and Serge had spent two years training for this journey. He only holds her lead in towns. The rest of the time she just follows him at her own pace.
Pipa actually had a sign on the back of her—a picture of a camera indicating that photos would be one Euro.
I offered Serge a Euro and asked for a photo. “The money isn’t for me,” he explained. “It’s for a donkey rescue.” He actually came up with the idea on the Camino because he hated that people would just stop to take a picture of Pipa and not even so much as smile at him. So the donation for taking a photo of Pipa was really a way for Serge to encourage conversation.
When I returned home from that Camino, I told my husband, “I met a guy and his donkey and after they get to Santiago, they’re going to be walking back home on the Camino del Norte, so I invited them to stay at our house.” (We lived on the Camino del Norte at the time.)
And this is what being curious and striking up a conversation can do: A month later, my husband and I were sitting on our patio watching the sunset with Serge while Pipa chomped on our lawn.
Curiosity and Conversation
A short conversation can transform a Camino—or any journey for that matter.
Do I guarantee you’ll meet a man who has walked for months on the Camino with his donkey? No.
Do I guarantee you’ll leave the Camino with your own stories of the people you’ve met along the way? No.
It takes effort to engage people in conversation. But not much.
I didn’t realize it took any skill at all until I started reading laments on Camino Facebook groups from people who felt lonely on their Camino—and they were walking one of the most popular routes during a popular time, so it wasn’t for lack of people to talk to.
Tips for Starting Conversations
Along the trail — “Buen Camino” is the greeting we say to anyone walking by us on the Camino.
If the person is walking by quickly, that might be all you say.
But if they’re ambling, you might follow it up with a simple, “Where are you from?” in whatever language(s) you speak.
At any bar counter — the bar is the center of social life in Spain. You won’t find many people going there to get drunk. They go for coffee in the morning, to meet a friend later in the day, maybe to have a glass of wine before dinner.
If you know Spanish, just smile at the guy sitting at the bar and ask him if he lives in this town (he’ll say yes), then ask if he’s lived their his whole life (he’ll probably say yes). Then he’ll ask where you’re from. . . conversation started!
If you’re not a Spanish speaker, smile at the pilgrim next to you at the bar and ask where they started today’s walk. Or comment on how hot it is. Or how nice the weather is this morning.
Any place where pilgrims are seated — Simply ask if you can join them. On the Camino, this question is rarely met with anything other than a smile and the words, “Of course!” At this point, the others at the table will probably introduce themselves or otherwise engage you in conversation.
In the evening — give a compliment. This doesn’t just work on the Camino—it works everywhere. People love to be complemented.
Instead of “That’s a nice shirt,” say, “That shirt looks great on you!” You are almost guaranteed to get a smile in return.
On the Camino, after walking 5 or 10 or more miles, we’re not necessarily looking our best. So that’s why this strategy is best used after everyone’s done walking for the day, they’ve showered, and are sitting out on a terrazza with a cold drink.
On the trail — Look at the daypacks or backpacks people are carrying. People put all sorts of patches and pins on their packs. Ask about something those!
Your Turn
What are your suggestions for striking up conversations with people—on the Camino or otherwise? Or tell us your story about someone you’ve met by striking up a conversation!
With love,
Rebecca
*I am acutely aware that though people from over 150 countries walk the Camino de Santiago in any given year, there are many others who are not able to travel to the European Union as easily as I am.
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I’ve asked people about their tattoos (not on Camino). There usually is a story. Love the donkey story!