As the oldest of five children who were all louder than I was, I rarely expressed my opinion so as not to rock the boat any further. It was easier that way.
I grew accustomed to not speaking up, to not expressing my thoughts.
But I’ve grown. And have long questioned why I’ve always felt it my job to make everyone else happy. Why do I so easily drop my desires in favor of someone else’s?
This came to mind recently when a woman contacted me to ask about my experiences on the Camino Invierno—one of the dozens of quieter routes of the Camino de Santiago.
She had heard about the Camino de Santiago and wanted to do it. Alone.
She told her husband about it. He didn’t think she should do it on her own, so he went off and did it. Alone.
Upon his return, he said yes, she should/could do it. With him.
So though she still wanted to do the Camino de Santiago on her own, she was calling me to discuss a “happy medium.”
They would walk together the first few weeks—on the route her husband had already done.
Then she’d split off to walk the Camino Invierno, on her own, for the last two weeks—if she could convince her husband.
The whole situation bristled me.
But I held my tongue.
And regret it.
This was a month ago and I’ve thought of calling her back to discuss this further. But somehow, she has disappeared. All I have is her first name in my calendar on the day we spoke. But I have no record of our call in any call logs. I know I sent her a follow up note via text or WhatsApp, but I can’t find that either. I thought she initially contacted me by email — that has disappeared as well.
But if I had the chance to talk to her again, I would say,
“It sounds like you're compromising instead of fully standing up for what you want.”
I’m not a therapist, but when it comes to the Camino, a lot of therapy-like things come up.
Compromise is valuable—until it means losing yourself.
If what you want is not what someone else wants for you, that’s okay. That’s their issue, not yours.
There’s power in recognizing when negotiation is not an option for you.
With love,
Rebecca
Ready to plan your walk on the Camino de Santiago? I’d love to help! Click here to learn more about my Camino Planning calls.
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Travel Planning Tips and Tools
Rome2Rio.com has long been one of my favorite travel planning tools. It tells you how to get from anywhere in the world to anywhere in the world—whether by train, plane, bus, ferry, or car.
You can put in specific addresses (e.g. your home to your hotel) or something more general — like how to get from the Asturias Airport to Oviedo, Spain.
The site not only gives you a variety of options, but also tells you the frequency of those options.
For example, the other day I was helping a client find options for getting from Madrid to Tui (one of the starting points for a 100km walk on the Camino de Santiago).
When we clicked on the route, then chose our specific date, we learned there were two trains on that specific day.
In the image below, you can see the train company name.
Sometimes I’ll go there to book directly.
The other option is to click on “Select” — it brings you to Omio.com, a popular booking site.
Don’t forget: here in Spain things like bus and train schedules are not available years in advance—sometimes they’re only available a few months in advance. So if you’re not seeing any option on your dates, choose an upcoming date to at least get an idea of the schedule.
Camino Connections
It's time for my monthly Camino Connections Calls!
What are these calls? Every month, I open up 3 spots each for 20-minute conversations with members of this community. No agenda, no pitch—just a chance to connect person-to-person.
Why am I doing this? Because the thing I love most about the Camino is connecting with others. This is my way of saying thank you for being part of the Camino Calls community.
Who is this for? Anyone who wants to have a genuine human connection. You might want to ask a Camino-related question, a question about my life as an ex-pat in Spain, or maybe you just want to say hello. All are welcome!
How it works:
Show up on Zoom ready to connect
Enjoy a conversation with no hidden agenda
It's first-come, first-served, and just one slot per person. If you've joined me for one of these calls in the past three months, I kindly ask that you allow new community members to grab these spots.
With appreciation,
Rebecca
P.S. These calls are completely complimentary—my gift to you for being part of this community.
You're doing a great job with your Substack, Rebecca. Your passion for the Camino really shines through on each post ☺️
I needed to hear this today!