“I’d love to walk the Camino de Santiago, but I have no one who wants to do it with me. How can I find someone?” she asked.
My recommendation: Don’t.
Why plan such a monumental trip with someone you hardly know?
I’ve met plenty of people who do the Camino with someone they’ve known for years and have a hard time.
In fact, I usually meet them when they’ve split up. Not forever, they tell me initially. Just for part—or all—of the Camino.
A husband who wants to start walking at 6am each day and a wife who says, after a few days and perhaps some heated discussion, “How about you do that and we’ll just meet at the hotel each afternoon?”
Friends who realize one expected they’d walk side-by-side every moment and the other. . . well, didn’t.
A group of four (or sometimes more!) who realize that the more people you try to get on the same page, the harder the Camino will be. So they’ve split into various factions and may or may not even see each other until Santiago. Or until they get back to their home country.
I know for a fact that at least one of the above situations ended the relationship.
I once read that pre-marital travel is imperative: seeing how the two of you navigate the unexpected and unknowns can save a lot of heartache down the road.
But I’m not a relationship expert. I’m an expert in helping people plan their walk on the Camino de Santiago.
Finding the right travel partner may be harder than finding the right life partner.
Finding the right travel partner for the Camino de Santiago? Even more so.
Sure, when you’re in a romantic, long-term relationship with someone you’ll face hardships, have to make tough decisions together, have to deal with the unexpected.
You’ll disagree, have to find a resolution.
You’ll make choices together, some of which will turn out great and others not so much.
They’ll be stretches where everything is going well and stretches (hopefully shorter) where it’s definitely not.
Hopefully they’ll be more highs than lows.
You’ll grow—as individuals, as a couple. Maybe not in the same way, which can be another obstacle.
Now imagine doing all of that in the space of a few weeks—or less—with someone you hardly know!
Even if you’ve traveled with this person before,
Have you spent one, two, or four weeks with them non-stop? (“Yes. During Covid.”)
Were you walking 10+ miles together every day with them? And dealing with how they felt after 10+ miles of walking day after day? (“Oh. No.”)
Were you in a foreign country whose language you didn’t speak, customs you didn’t know? (“Okay, okay. I get it.”)
Most people who do the Camino have never before done anything like the Camino.
So you can see why, when people ask me, “Should I do the Camino alone or with someone else?” my answer is always “alone.”
I’ve done it both ways. Multiple times.
Did I enjoy walking Caminos with my father, my husband, my friend? Absolutely.
Will they all understand when I say I recommend doing it alone? Absolutely.
The two experiences — doing a Camino on your own vs. with someone else — are vastly different.
Gift #1 of traveling alone: You’re more approachable. I meet more people when I’m traveling alone than I do when I’m traveling with someone else.
Pat, The Panicked Pilgrim: But I’m not good at meeting people.
Rebecca, The Camino Expert: I’ll write about that in my next post. It’s not that hard.
Gift #2: When I’m alone, I make all the decisions. I get to decide when I want to take a break from walking, where I want to do that, how long I want to stay there chatting with yet another interesting person I met.
Pat, The Panicked Pilgrim: But what if something goes wrong? You’ve got no one to help you, to commiserate with!
Rebecca, The Camino Expert: Well, 442,000* people walked into Santiago last year. Tens of thousands more only did a portion of one of the routes, but weren’t counted as they chose not to go all the way to Santiago. If I’m on the Camino Frances or the Camino Portuguese or any of the other popular routes anytime between May and September, I can guarantee if I wait a few minutes, someone will show up. And they’ll go out of their way to help.
*per data from the Oficina del Peregrinos in Santiago de Compostela
Gift #3: If the place I choose to spend one night isn’t what I expected, if the place I choose to eat isn’t that great, if the detour I choose turns out to be a poor decision, the only person whose disappointment I have to deal with is my own.
Pat, The Panicked Pilgrim: So much can go wrong!
Rebecca, The Camino Expert: They say the Camino is a lot like life in general. Things can go wrong. Things will go wrong. We get to choose how we react. Welcome to life, Pat.
Gift #4: I can choose to walk with others when *I* want to.
Pat, the Panicked Pilgrim: But I want to walk with other people all the time!
Rebecca, The Camino Expert: You can. Walk the Camino Francés or the Camino Portugues. You’ll have plenty of people to choose from. And if one doesn’t suit you, in next week’s post I’ll give you some tips for how to kindly wish them well and send them on their way.
Gift # 5: When—
Pat, The Panicked Pilgrim interrupts: But I really think I want to go with someone else.
Rebecca, The Camino Expert: You can. But I highly recommend you subscribe so you can read my upcoming post, “What to Discuss with Your Travel Partner Before the Camino.” Because the best decision is an informed decision.
With love,
Rebecca
Are you 45 or over and looking for help planning your walk on the Camino de Santiago? Click here to learn more about my Camino Planning calls.
What Listening To:
On The Camino Podcast, Dave Whitson is doing a series where he interviews each guest about their journey along a specific section of the Camino del Norte, followed by an expert talking about one of the historical or geological features of the route.
Back in 2016, he did the same with the Camino Francés (where yours truly is featured in Episode 15). He’s also done this same idea for the Via Podiensis and the Camino Ingles.
In addition, one of my most recommended episodes is the one where he talks with bedbug expert Michal Potter from the University of Kentucky. There are lots of myths about preventing bedbugs, so this one was eye-opening for sure!
Do you have a book recommendation? I’d love to hear it! Leave a comment below.
Who I’m Celebrating:
All of you who choose to walk the Camino alone — especially those of you who really struggled with that decision. Tell us about why you walked alone and if you’d recommend it in the comments below!
Wise Words:
“If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try.” – Seth Godin
Question of the Week:
Are you thinking of walking your Camino alone or with others? If you’ve already done a Camino, which did you choose? Tell us about it!
Loved your reflections Rebecca! It made me desire to do it on my own...
I have walked the Camino Frances in 2022 at age 70, and the Camino Portuguese in 2024 at age 71.5. On the Camino Frances, I started alone in St.Jean Pied de Port alone, but joined a Camino family of other guys my age from 5 other countries near Burgos and walked with them on and off all the way to Santiago. On the Camino Portuguese, I started in Porto and walked all the way to Santiago alone, except for some daily companions I met along the way. I also walked to Finisterre alone after the Camino Portuguese. On both Caminos, I carried my 22 pound backpack every day and I slept in the public albergues every night. If I can do it, anyone can. I highly recommend at least starting alone and finding out how that works for you. I’ll bet you meet more people than you dreamed of and possibly a Camino family of friends for life.